I'm suffering from amotivational syndrome right now. It's so bad that I had to remove my laptop from my legs because they were getting numb. That's pretty pathetic. Before I do something silly like work on my To-Do List, I thought I might share something.

As you might have read, I'm still working on Project Apple Bottom. I've made some progress, but I still have a lot of work to do. I'm not doing this alone; I take classes and go to a personal trainer. Part of our deal is that she sends email tips on food and fitness almost every day. Most of them are really good, but some of them really interest the nerd in me.

Today, she sent me one that set off my Nerd Alert. It's about a fruit you can almost always find in my snack bowl in my kitchen: the banana. She copied and pasted the information into the email, so I searched Google to find the origin of the information. I got bored of reading through the message board results, so here's a link to the full list on ifood.tv. It sources an unnamed food writer. That's not helpful, but if you choose to believe the contents (as I would like to) without knowing the exact origin, you might put some bananas in your grocery cart next time.

**Disclaimer: This is not verbatim from the link. This is the information in my own special way

WHY BANANAS ARE THE SHIT:


*The tryptophan in bananas turns into serotonin, which can help you relax and feel happier. This can help people who suffer from depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder.

*The vitamin B6 in bananas can help regulate blood glucose levels, which can help you feel less pissed off at the world when you're PMSing.

*Got a hangover? Try a banana and honey milkshake instead of greasy diner food. The banana will calm your stomach, the honey will work with the banana to build up your blood sugar levels, and the milk will help rehydrate you.

*Bananas have an antacid effect on the body, so keep the little purple pill on the shelf and eat a banana to treat your heartburn.

*Got a bun in the oven? Put a banana down the hatch. It will help keep your blood sugar levels up and keep you from puking.

*Trying to quit smoking? Satisfy your oral fixation with a banana. The B6, B12, potassium and magnesium help your body recover from nicotine withdrawal.

If you want to see more of the list, go here.

I started eating bananas a lot more because over the years I've seen countless NFL players eating them on the sidelines to help with sore or cramped muscles. I've been sore since I started Project Apple Bottom, so I thought I'd up my banana intake and see what happened. Now, I've got to go buy some more bananas so I can shine all the shoes in my closet. Seriously.

Labels: Diet, Fitness, health, Project Apple Bottom

I've spent a lot of time "greening" my life over the past few months. We've been recycling in our house for as long as I can remember, but we were mostly convenience recyclers. Whatever they took in our curbside bins was what we recycled; whatever they didn't pick up...well, that will be taking up space in a landfill somewhere for the next several thousand years.

The Greener Me has been making an effort to rid our kitchen of the majority of its plastic items. I've replaced one of my plastic workout water bottles with a stainless steel one. I've done the same for a few of my son's spill-proof plastic cups. Anything plastic that has a questionable number on it (3, 6, or 7) has been banished from our home. I've also gotten rid of plastic food storage containers that had been nuked to the point that they had that odd bubbly crust on the inside. That just never seemed right in any frame of mind, but especially not in light of research on the potential dangers of some plastics.

In this effort to green up my life, I've started using my brain more. I pause to think before I throw anything away. This is annoying the ever-loving shit out of my husband, but it makes me feel good, so there. If I can think of a way someone else could use my trash, I make it happen. If I can think of a way to recycle what might otherwise go into the trash can, I make it happen, even if it's not convenient. That means a weekly trip to one of my city's recycling centers. I started taking my son with me about a month ago. He loves going there, especially when it involves breaking glass. It gives us a chance to talk about what everything's made of and what it can be turned into if we recycle. I've got him convinced that just about anything plastic could be turned into a really cool toy.

I forgot to put out the trash this week, so I had two overflowing recycling bins in my garage. Since the recycling dudes don't make their rounds again until Friday, I decided to take both bins to the recycling center, along with the stuff our curbside dudes don't pickup (glass, batteries, etc.). Here's where I forgot to use my brain: I didn't think about what was in the bins. Cue the Oh Shit music.

When we got to the recycling center this morning, we threw the glass in first. That's always a lot of fun, especially when you don't consider the potential injuries from flying shards of glass. Sometimes, it's better to do than think. We did aluminum cans next, which is also fun for a three year old, because there's some measure of noise-making involved. By the time we made it to mixed paper, my little man's attention span had waned. So, I skipped to some plastic items that he could throw into the back of a trailer. Good times. All was right with the world until the boy made a shocking discovery: one of his favorite cups in the bin with all the other stuff we were getting rid of. Uh oh. He wasn't supposed to see that. Had I remembered to take out the trash Thursday night, this wouldn't have been a problem.

This cup had seen better days. It needed to go. I thought I could convince him to part with it peacefully, but I was so very wrong. All of the sudden, the cup was his Little Buddy. The tears started flowing. "Why do I have to say goodbye to my Little Buddy," My Little Sunshine wailed. "Well, because he's broken, buddy, and we have to give him to the recycling guys so they can use him to make something really cool," I replied. "But, he will be all alone here, and he will look around and around and around for me, but I won't be here, and then he'll be sad, and I'll be sad because I'll miss him," the emotional breakdown continued. Throwing himself on the concrete he exclaimed for all the world to hear, "Just go home without me. Leave me here. I'll never leave my Little Buddy alone!"

Dear God. Think fast. Think fast. Be a Problem Solver, Mom. Solve the problem. "Well, buddy," I said cautiously. We'd better hurry and get your Little Buddy into his special bin, so they can come get him and take him to the factory where they fix up broken cups." I could see his tears let up a bit as his wheels started turning. "After we leave here, we'll stop by the CVS on the way home and see if the factory dropped him off at the store so you can take him home," I continued.

"They're going to fix him for me?" Sunshine asked. "Sure, buddy. He may not look exactly the same, though. They'll take this plastic cup, melt it down, and make a shiny new one for you to drink out of. Wouldn't that be great? Then you'd be happy, and your Little Buddy would be happy because you didn't throw him in the trash can where he would just sit broken forever in a landfill. Instead, you took him to the recycling center where he could be made into something new and be useful again. Isn't that awesome?"

"OK, Mom," Sunshine sniffled. "Buh *sniff* bye, Little Buddy. I'll pick you up later at the CVS *sniff sniff*. Don't be sad. I'll see you later," Sunshine said bravely. He made it to the car before the breakdown resumed. Imagine hearing all those same tearful, grieving statements again, only this time you're trying to drive. Dear Lord, make this end.

I spent the seven minute drive explaining that the cup might not look exactly the same, that when they melt it down and make a new one, sometimes they have to change colors or designs or some other things. I told him only he will know if it's really his cup, so he'd have to show mommy which one is his when we got to the store.

Fortunately, there was a similarly styled cup at the CVS. It was a completely different color, but he totally latched onto it with only a little steering from me. You would have thought that this was the greatest discovery in the history of man and plastic. He was so thrilled, hugging it like a long-lost friend, talking to it lovingly and reassuringly. He used it all afternoon and spent an inordinant amount of time explaining the great Cup Caper to his daddy, at times repeating what I had told him word for word.

So my snow job was successful, THIS TIME. As all parents learn at some point, you can never run the same scam twice. This will never work again. I will just have to think before I recycle in the future.

Labels: Green living, My Little Sunshine Memorable Moments

I have a serious case of the crankies. I'm not even going to get into it. Partly because it would turn into some trivial rant, and partly because I have no right to complain. My life ain't so bad. It's not one little thing or even one big thing; it's EVERYthing. That's why I'm going to write about something else.

One small moment today that I would like to remember:

Bedtime at Casa de Otis

My Little Sunshine: "Mommy, will you rock me and sing Rock-a-bye Baby?"

Me: "Sure, honey."

Off-key singing and rocking commence

After said singing and rocking end:

Sunshine: "Mommy, why did I fall?" (in reference to, "...and down will come Sunshine, cradle and all.")

Me: "I don't know, honey. That song doesn't really make sense to mommy either."

Sunshine: "Well, I think after God made me, he dropped me. God made everybody, and then he dropped them down. What about you, mommy?"

Me: "Well, honey, I think mommy was certainly dropped on her head as a baby."

Labels: My Little Sunshine Memorable Moments

My husband made it back from the mega-Monte Carlo trip in one piece, although not completely unscathed. He is exhausted, but we are diving right back into family life.

Today, two long-time friends are getting married. It's a wet and dreary day, but I hope it clears up for them at least for a couple hours. This wedding day weather is certainly not the stuff of dreams.

I've got a lot to do this afternoon, but I needed to find something to do while my toenails dry. While going through my Bloglines, I found a fun little quiz on MGM's site. If you have a few minutes to kill while your toenails dry (I'm talking about you, Ceej-hee, hee), it's short and sweet.

Here are my results:

You Belong in 1981

Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

Labels: Random thoughts

Part of what I'm learning during Project Apple Bottom is how to make smarter choices when it comes to food. I'm a decently educated and informed person. However, I've made some really bad choices about what to shovel into my mouth, most of the time thinking I was doing the right thing. The information is sinking into my thick skull slowly but surely, but I still have a lot to learn.

I was stunned when my trainer gave me a formula to figure out what my daily caloric needs were. The answer to this is different depending on several factors including your weight and activity level. If I want to continue to lose weight in a healthy way, I have to eat just below 1,100 calories on a day that I don't work out. I now exercise pretty seriously five to six times a week, but even on those days, I can't eat more than 1,500 calories. That's not very much, especially if you frequent almost any American restaurant.

In the past, I would eat rather haphazardly. Whatever felt good or sounded good went into my body without a second thought. I still eat Ben and Jerry's. I don't think I can live without it. However, I now eat in in the context of my goals and my activity level. I know if I go after some "Half Baked," I need to go after some serious cardio-therapy. Last time I ate Ben and Jerry's, I actually bothered to look at the labels and chose the kind with the least amount of calories. It was still a shitload of unnecessary calories, but I like it. Food has always been a reward in my family, and although I'm trying to change that, it's a hard habit to break.

You may have seen the book, Eat This Not That. I thumbed through it in the bookstore, but I didn't buy it. I didn't feel like spending the money at the time. Well, the other day, my trainer sent me a link to a spread that Men's Health did on the book. There are some fun facts in there along with some really big surprises. I've talked before about my shock and sadness at the Ruby Tuesday's Turkey Bella Burger. That's in there along with quite a few other things that made me cringe.

One of the interesting lists in the Men's Health Spread is called "The 20 Worst Foods in America."
Here are some interesting ones:

19. Worst drink: Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (900 calories, 10g fat, 183g carbs)

17. Worst "healthy" burger: Ruby Tuesday's Turkey Bella Burger (1,145 calories, 71g fat, 56g carbs)

15. Worst kids' meal: Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese (1,210 calories, 62g fat, 3,450g sodium)

9. Worst dessert: Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Icecream (1,600 calories, 78g fat, 215g carbs)

6. Worst fish entree: On the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with rice and beans (2,100 calories, 130g fat, 169 carbs, 4,750mg sodium)

2. Worst starter: Chili's Awesome Blossom (2,710 calories, 203g fat, 194g carbs, 6,360mg sodium)

1. Worst Food in America: Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing (2,900 calories, 182g fat, 240g carbs)

Another section allows you to find the best and worst foods at some of America's top chain restaurants. Since my son could subsist solely on Chick-Fil-A, I looked that up. I was sad to see that the cookies and cream milkshake is absolutely horrendous for you, but I was equally thrilled to see how relatively healthy the chargrilled chicken sandwich is. It's only about 270 calories. Not too bad for fast food in America.

In the Men's Health spread, you can also sign up for a newsletter to get more tips. I've signed up, but I haven't yet gotten one, so I can't say whether it's helpful. It's free, and you can always cancel, so what's one more email?

I'm learning that I may not always make the BEST choices, but I need to make INFORMED choices. I also need to remember that those choices are not made in a vacuum. I have to use the information about everything else I've eaten and whether I spent the day burning off calories with my kid or sitting on my couch eating bon bons to determine if I should eat the Giant Fried Onion.

I don't know why it has to be so damn hard, but it is, and that's just tough shit. I cannot achieve Apple Bottom goodness eating the way I've eaten for 32 years. There is a better way, and I intend to find it.

Labels: Diet, Eat This Not That, Exercise, Project Apple Bottom

The things that come out of my son's mouth often stump me. Tonight as I was putting him to bed, we had one of those conversations.

My Little Sunshine: "I don't want to be a human or a mammal anymore."
Me: "Why not?"
Sunshine: "Because it's no fun being a person. I want God to change me back."
Me: "Change you back into what?"
Sunshine: "Nothing. I want him to change me into nothing."

Cue the real crocodile tears

Sunshine: "I want my daddy to miss me. I want God to change me back into nothing so my daddy will miss me."
Me: "Honey, your daddy already misses you, and he loves you very much, and so does mommy. We love you just the way you are, and we don't want anyone to change you into anything else."
Sunshine (crying still): "But I don't like being three years old. I don't like being a human, and I don't like being a mammal."
Me (starting to freak a little on the inside): "Well, um, mommy's really happy you're three years old, a human and a mammal. You should be, too. It's great to be who you are."
Sunshine (wiping tears and smiling): "Thanks, mom! Thanks for making me happy! I love you, mom."
Me: "I love you, too, little man."

Relief.

Now, of course, I'll be watching for any signs that I need to put my three year old in therapy. Because that's just the kind of paranoid freak I am.

Labels: My Little Sunshine

My mother left this morning. It was a really good visit. Although I was surprised when she informed me that she was leaving today, it was for the best. It was a nice length for a visit. Things never got tense. I never felt like I was suffocating. We laughed. We worked. We were on the same team. It was quite refreshing. This visit makes me hopeful for future family gatherings.

Now, it's back to work on Project Apple Bottom (had a few extra calories while mom was here) and Project Great White North. I'm making progress on the house, but it seems that everytime I take a step forward, I take a half-step backwards. It's quite a process. I guess if I had even given my house an ounce of attention for the past eight years I might not have so much work to do. It just wasn't the choice I made. Now, I'm paying for it in blood, sweat, tears, and, of course, mucho dinero.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law just sold their house. It's an amazing place, so I didn't think it would take long for them, but I can imagine they were sweating it after a couple weeks on the market. I think ours will take a bit longer to sell. It is not awe-inspiring, and it is certainly not in as good of shape as theirs. I'm going to cross my fingers for a blessing from the real estate gods that ours goes fast when we're ready to put it on the market. I expend all of my patience on my child. I have none left for anything else.

My boy's doing really well. His vocabulary is exploding. He is an extrememly articulate child, if I do say so myself. I guess with parents who love words as much as his, it might come more naturally to him than others.

I've also never really been a big fan of "baby talk." When he was an infant, I never made up stupid words for things like "bah-bah" for bottle or anything like that. If someone did that to me when I was trying to learn Spanish, it would have really screwed with my head. I just didn't think it was productive to confuse my child. I guess some people just think it's cute or that kids learn smaller syllable words more quickly or something. I didn't find this to be the case for my kid. It was more repetition than the number of actual syllables. If he heard a word enough times, it eventually came out the way it was supposed to sound (or close enough).

I realize this post is already all over the place, but I'm having a hard time focusing on anything, since my to-do list seems to grow by the hour. I'm also feeling a little lonely, since I have had company for the past few days, and now all I hear is Donna the Buffalo on my iPod and my kid sneaking a book into his bed upstairs.

My husband is working hard on the other side of The Pond right now. He and his assembled team are telling some great stories at the PokerStars.com European Poker Tour Grand Final. Please go show him some Sitemeter love if you haven't already. He also wouldn't mind a few links here and there. Even if you don't play poker, you might enjoy reading some of the stories. I do, and I've only played one live poker game in my life (I beat G-Rob with The Hammer and promptly hung it up).


Picture my husband took of hottie French player, Cyril Bensoussan, at EPT Monte Carlo

I'll try to write something that isn't meaningless drivel at some point in the future. Until then, go read my husband and his boys.

Labels: EPT, family, Soul Mate

My mother will be getting in a car in about three hours to drive all by her little self to my house, which is approximately 300 miles, three interstates, and three turns from the airport parking lot where she will start her journey. To those of us who spend our lives traveling, this may not sound like a big deal. For my mother, this is monumental.

I don't think my mother has driven any substantial distance by herself since I was about seven years old. We were doing one of our dozen-plus multi-state moves, and she was in charge of getting herself, her daughter (me), and the car to the new location. Her sense of direction is a bit challenged, and we ended up terribly lost. Since it was before the days of the cell phone, we were in the middle of nowhere with no way to call for help. We drove in circles for what seemed like forever, when my hysterical mother handed me (seven years old) the atlas and asked me to take a crack. I don't know whether I actually got us out of that mess, but I have been given credit for it over the years.

Mama E has not hit the road without my father or another adult with a sense of direction since that time. It will be dark, which could further compound the challenge. My husband is leaving in the morning for an international trip, which could further compound the compounding of the challenge. My mother will be armed with a shiny new GPS, so we can only pray that technology will be our savior for once. I am not entirely hopeful on that front. I fully expect our pre-trip cuddle time to be interrupted with no fewer than ten phone calls. I doubt we squeeze much in between the time our son goes to bed and the time the phone starts incessantly ringing. I intend to give it the college try though.

I am hopeful this will be a nice visit. My mother and I have not spent a week basically alone in as long as I can remember. It may be as far back as when I was in her womb. I just can't recall. Perhaps without the crutch of the rest of the family we will be able to find some more common ground that could make things easier in the future.

I may not have much time to write in the next few days. I'll report back soon. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

Labels: family, Mom

I'm still trying to get back to normal after my cruise. My kid and I have been having a hard time getting on the same page. We had a major battle of wills today. I ended up winning, but not before he broke my heart.

He was testing his limits big time, and I had to take away all of his "friends," the four-thousand freaking stuffed animals that live in his bed with him. Taking away one didn't stop the bad behavior. Taking away two didn't even quiet him down. Taking away three stopped the top-of-the-lungs singing, but didn't stop the talking and jumping around. Taking away four only made him mad. The rest caused an emotional breakdown I have not seen out of my child in a while. I was barely able to keep myself from falling down in a heap of tears outside his door, but I know that I have to take back my position of authority. I lost a lot of ground while I was away. I have to stick to my guns, or I'll end up with a kid who has no respect for his mother. It still breaks my heart.

I'm slowly but surely whittling away at the stacks-o-crap that are covered in sheet rock dust around my house. The painting project still isn't finished completely, but I've been able to return some things to a couple of rooms. That's allowed me to get rid of some of the dust. I'm still missing the journal-type book that is the center of Project Apple Bottom. It's buried somewhere in this house. I just haven't found it yet.

I'm still so brain dead that I've done at least ten stupid things a day since my return. Today, one of the things I did to piss myself off was to delete all of the entries in my Bloglines that I had been trying to catch up on. This is something I screw up once every few months, but it's especially annoying when you're this far behind. So, if any of you have gone and gotten yourself arrested (and obviously released), beaten up, married, divorced, impregnated, or anything interesting, AND BLOGGED ABOUT IT, some of us (read: me) might not know yet. Fill me in, please.

Labels: Random thoughts

I'm back from my Christmas present cruise, and I'm so exhausted, I can't function. I'm going to need a few days to process where I am. I'm also having trouble focusing on the computer screen, because I don't think my body knows it's back on land. It took me a few days to get my sea legs, so I guess the land legs will eventually return as well.

Anyway, I need to fit in a shower today, so you get some pictures in advance of the full story.




First drink in Key West in Honor of Al Can't Hang


Old Friends in Front of Hemmingway's Favorite Bar


Playa Mia, Cozumel, Mexico


The Last Dance on Board Grandeur of the Seas
(Notice the Sexy Sweat)

Labels: Cruise, Vacation